I have this blog I had been working on for some time. Day In The Life Of A NH Realtor. I really enjoyed writing about my venture into the world of real estate. My love of people and helping them find a home. Not a house, but a home. The first few posts were my best. I still go back from time to time to read them. As time went on though, a funny thing happened. I found there was less and less I wanted to write. My days went on in the same general order. I found fewer things sparked my creativity. Who wants to hear about the contract I wrote? The hours spent sitting at a desk. Just as I had really found my groove, truly felt easily capable of quickly knowing how to handle every obstacle thrown at me, very well versed in the goings on of this world…. I began to realize my zest was waning.
It’s no secret I am easily bored. Forever searching for the next adventure. I’m a dreamer. Lost in a world all my own. Big ideas, big goals. All for a time. But just as I get comfortable something crazy happens in my brain. I begin to dream of something new. Not intentionally mind you. Not even willingly most times. But uncontrollably my heart begins to lead me in the opposite direction from where I am “supposed” to be going. Once I have succeeded, once I have proven to myself this one was attainable, I’m over it. Ready for something new. My poor husband. For the past 20 years.. seriously. Twenty years…. he has watched as I floated and bounced. Suffered as I changed and diverted. Been driven mad by my consistent destruction of castles built.
So last Summer, after a broken foot, chaos, weight gain(pure hell for a former trainer) and inevitably, a minor bout of depression, I found myself here again. Oh, I fought it. Berated myself. Told myself it was all due to mourning the loss of my favorite season, my inability to spend it doing all the things I loved. I was truly miserable broken. I’m use to days full of action. Being strong and capable. Running my stresses away. Pounding my body to rid my mind of what ever ails it. Whether that is truly the cause I can’t be sure. The fact is, there is no going back. I’m surely capable of sinking in to the grind. I would do whatever I needed if it came down to it. But my family would leave me. I would be so miserable I would lose my spark. You see, this is who I am. This is what makes me… ME.
This brings me to the real reason I am saying all this. To inspire. I’m not saying I am leaving real estate all together. I am not saying quit your job. I’m saying follow your heart. Make your life yours! Don’t be afraid to go after a little adventure. I have done so many things. I have met so many people. I have learned so many wonderful lessons. I won’t say all this movement didn’t cause ripples and even crashing, somewhat destructive waves. Many times I took giant cuts in income just to find a new adventure. But money isn’t everything. THAT is who I truly am.
You see, something occurred to me during that time. I WAS losing my spark. I had little time for the things I truly loved. Gardens, nature, creativity and most importantly my love of training. Ok, MOST importantly, my family. The earthy, fun-loving, spirited person I loved was slowly waning. The carefree, happy mom full of constant laughter was fading. And I wanted her back. I also realized my very deepest dream was moving further and further away. I have always wanted to have a shop. A little place filled with love and creativity, herbs, botanicals, me. But I found myself so far from that person I barely recognized myself anymore. And painstakingly, I decided to find her again.
I started training! I was a little unsure, a bit rusty and most definitely nervous. But I went after it just the same. And you know what happened? Piece by piece, little by little, I started to reappear. I started making botanicals again. I started to feel like me again. And I am happy! Really happy. A bit of me mourns that career I worked so hard for. No longer giving so much of me too it. Wondering where it will go. A bit wonders if going back really is going forward. I have questions regarding so many things…. How do I ever make this shop happen? Will it be the one thing that satiates my ever-present gypsy ways? Will I find enough training clients to pay the bills AND send my kids off to school? Question after question. Unknown after unknown. Perhaps that is what I really crave. I say if it feels good, it is where you need to be. And when your heart and soul tell you it’s time to move, then do your damnedest to make it happen. If I stay in real estate it will only be for the love of the business. Not pride, not fear. For only then will I know I did my best while I was here.
If there is something you have yet to do, something calling you, go after it. Be it a career path, a hobby, a healthier life, a fitter body, skydiving… anything. Go for it. You never know just how much time you have.
Take something from this. You live just one life.
You have but one chance to enjoy this world.
Follow your dreams.
…even when they take a turn.